The Missing Husband Page 21

  ‘I wish I could have been of more help.’

  Jo took a last gulp of coffee. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. Every time I churn up new theories it only ever muddies the water but I have to keep trying,’ she said, trying not to let her disappointment show. ‘Do you mind if I make a move? I told Irene I wouldn’t be long.’

  ‘Of course,’ Simon said and then went to say something else, stopped himself, but then said it anyway. ‘He couldn’t wait to be a dad, Jo. That’s the part I don’t understand.’ He laughed softly to himself. ‘He couldn’t wait to find out if the baby would have a dimple like him.’

  Jo had already stood up and when she shrugged on her coat she felt another layer of guilt weigh her down. She had looked at her son’s face and seen nothing more than a crying, demanding baby who was intent on rejecting her. She hadn’t seen the suggestion of a dimple in the middle of Archie’s chin; she hadn’t even been looking.

  Jo hung around by the exit while, at his insistence, Simon paid the bill and then they both stepped out into the cold afternoon that was already draining of colour and light.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Simon asked when he realized Jo had come to a sudden halt just outside the door.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said, blinking her eyes in disbelief. She had been looking for David as always but had caught sight of someone else. ‘Do you see the young girl over there with ginger hair, the one arm in arm with that boy? Well, she’s my niece, and having spoken to my sister only a couple of hours ago, I know for a fact she’s supposed to be over at a friend’s house cramming for her mocks. And by friend, I mean girl friend.’

  ‘Young love, eh?’

  Jo laughed and considered, only briefly, phoning Steph to tell tales on her niece. ‘Yes, young love,’ she agreed.

  When she and Simon parted there were no formal handshakes; he felt more like a friend than a colleague now and the hug seemed natural, far more natural than the butterflies that started to build in her stomach as she walked back to the car. She knew it was ridiculous to feel so nervous about picking Archie back up; she tried to remind herself that she was his mother, but another voice asked if she would ever feel worthy of such a title.

  When her mobile began to ring and Irene’s name appeared, Jo was half-hoping to be told that the baby was fast asleep and she should stay out longer. But at first, Irene’s ramblings were unintelligible.

  ‘What’s wrong? Oh, God, Irene, is it Archie?’ Jo demanded.

  She could feel the searing rush of panic rising through her body, her mind collapsing in on itself as she waited for Irene to draw enough breath to speak. In those painful milliseconds while she prepared to hear the worst she quickly concluded that if she was about to lose her son as well as her husband, then her life was over. She couldn’t come back from that.

  Jo’s body ached from the physical effort of fighting off the panic attack. She held her body taut and forced herself to breathe slowly and deeply as she drove the three miles to her mother-in-law’s house where she found Archie sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. She had been able to drag enough information from Irene on the phone to reassure herself that the baby was safe – the latest Taylor crisis had something to do with Steve going missing – but as soon as she had hung up, the desire to hold her son was overwhelming and surprisingly strong enough to silence her doubts and insecurities about motherhood. She had driven to Irene’s clinging on to that feeling, her knuckles white as she gripped the wheel.

  But before Jo could satisfy her own needs, the trembling figure of her mother-in-law demanded her attention. It was barely two hours since she’d dropped Archie off with her and the change was remarkable. ‘Tell me what’s happened,’ Jo asked softly.

  Irene grabbed Jo’s hand and squeezed the life out of it as she made her sit down next to her on the sofa. Jo stole a glance towards the bassinet but she was too low down to catch even a glimpse of her son.

  ‘I haven’t seen Steve since Tuesday, Jo, when he came over to see if he could fix the back fence,’ Irene said as she struggled to resurrect the details of the last time she had seen her youngest son, knowing painfully well how precious that memory might prove to be. ‘And now he’s gone, just like David.’

  Although Jo was at a loss to understand exactly what had sparked Irene’s sudden panic, she couldn’t help wondering if this new development might be a positive thing rather than the awful news Irene feared. What if the two brothers had been in league together all along? What if Steve was about to leave a fresh trail that would lead all the way to David? ‘Have you spoken to him at all since then?’

  ‘He phoned yesterday to say he’d call in at the weekend,’ she said. ‘Oh, why is this happening to us, Jo? Wasn’t losing David bad enough? I couldn’t bear to lose them both.’

  With what little feeling was left in her fingers, Jo gave her mother-in-law’s hand a squeeze. ‘It won’t come to that,’ she said. It felt strange being the one offering consolation this time. A long list of platitudes came to mind but she knew only too well that they would do no good, so Jo held her tongue and concentrated on gathering the facts. ‘What did Sally say? When did she last see him?’

  ‘He stormed off at lunchtime,’ she said. ‘You know how difficult their relationship’s been lately. One of them was bound to snap eventually.’

  ‘Lunchtime?’ Jo asked as she extracted her hand from Irene’s grip of iron. ‘He’s only been missing since lunchtime?’ This was the one key fact that Irene had failed to mention before. ‘So, let me get this straight. Yet again, he’s had an argument with his wife and yet again, he’s stormed off to the pub and, judging by past experience, he’ll stagger home again when he’s run out of money.’

  Irene was shaking her head. ‘Sally’s adamant and she won’t listen to reason. She says she’s given him enough chances and this is the last straw. They’re getting divorced.’

  The news was by no means a surprise to Jo; the only surprise was how Sally had put up with him for so long. ‘OK,’ Jo said patiently, ‘if he doesn’t turn up there then he’ll turn up here.’

  ‘That’s what that nice policeman said.’

  ‘You phoned the police?’

  ‘I couldn’t just sit here doing nothing,’ she said, a sting of accusation in her words. ‘I’ve phoned and phoned Steve’s mobile but there’s no answer.’

  Jo stood up, no longer able to fight the urge to pick up Archie. He didn’t even murmur as she lifted him tenderly into her arms. He calmed her heart and her thoughts enough so she could keep her voice level. ‘If this had happened six months ago, you wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Irene, it’s happened in the past, plenty of times. I know, because it was usually David who was dragged out in the middle of the night to talk him down.’

  ‘But David isn’t here for Steve to turn to now.’

  When Jo had arrived at Irene’s house she had been prepared to stay for as long as she was needed. Irene had weathered plenty of heartbreak in the last few years but she had had her sons there to support her. She was on her own now and after everything she had done for her, Jo wouldn’t have objected to stepping into the breach. But now that she knew all of the facts, she couldn’t face the prospect of spending the evening watching Irene driving herself mad with irrational fears only for Steve to turn up drunk and unrepentant. She didn’t trust herself.

  ‘I have to go,’ Jo said. ‘But I promise I’ll come back over tomorrow if he hasn’t made an appearance.’ But he will, she wanted to add, bad pennies always do. ‘If I were you, I’d make up the spare bed and have a glass of water and some paracetamol at the ready because Steve is going to be nursing a serious hangover when he does show up.’

  Jo set about slipping Archie into extra layers as if preparing him for a trip to Antarctica. Only when she had strapped him into his baby carrier did she turn back to Irene who had stayed where she was, deep in her own thoughts.

  ‘I know I’m overreacting,’ her mother-in-law said. The tears she had managed to staunch were welling in
her eyes and threatened to spill over.

  ‘It’s understandable, but this isn’t history repeating itself. I still can’t find a convincing reason why David disappeared but with Steve, I could make a list as long as your arm.’

  Irene sniffed. ‘I know,’ she said.

  ‘Phone me when he turns up, no matter what the time.’

  Irene gave Jo a hug and kissed the top of Archie’s head. ‘I will,’ she promised.

  When Jo left, she worried about Steve for only as long as he deserved, which was about as long as it took her to take her first breath of fresh air.

  Archie’s eyes opened as soon as Jo stepped through the front door and switched on a light. She didn’t feel the familiar flutter of panic that normally arrived when Archie awoke. She could still recall how agonized she had felt when she thought he was in danger. She had been shocked by the strength of the connection between them, a connection that she had convinced herself hadn’t even existed, but it was still there now and she was desperate to hold on to it.

  Jo put the dramas of the day to the back of her mind as she concentrated on her son. Using her organisational skills to her advantage, she embarked upon his night-time routine with surprising confidence. Archie not only noticed but approved of the change in his mother and although he objected from time to time, he didn’t summon up the primal fury that usually accompanied his last feed. There was no final battle of wills that would last until they were both drained of energy.

  Tonight they were both winners and when Jo placed a sleeping Archie in his bassinet, she was aware of a warmth in her chest, the swell of pride and the rush of love that was all but alien to her in recent months. She had a silly, goofy grin on her face as she switched on the intercom in her bedroom so she could slip back downstairs to find some sustenance of her own – she was ravenous.

  Jo was only halfway down the stairs when she caught sight of the street lights flickering outside. Her smile froze and she tried to convince herself that it was only tree branches casting spindly shadows across the window panes in the door but in the next moment they fused together and the silhouette took human form.

  The faceless visitor had short-cropped hair and broad shoulders that stretched as an arm reach upwards. For a heart-stopping moment, Jo waited for the sound of a key engaging in the lock. The air in her lungs burned as she held her breath and then an electric shock zipped across every nerve in her body as a hand rapped on the window.

  It was only reflex that forced her to exhale in a howling gasp. Her thumping heart expanded with each beat until it was crushing her useless lungs. She started to feel dizzy, only managing to gulp tiny mouthfuls of air. The blood had drained from her face and the sweat that had sprung to her brow felt cold. The figure knocked on the door again and the shock broke through Jo’s inertia. She propelled herself towards the door where the silhouette had cupped his hand across the red and green glass panels and was peering at her. She imagined she saw the twinkle of David’s eyes as he sought her out.

  Jo struggled with the doorknob because her fingers had seized up but somehow she managed and flung the door open wide. With the last breath in her body she screamed in rage and hit out at the man standing in front of her who wasn’t quick enough to dodge the first blow. Steve yelled too as he stumbled back a few steps before lurching forward again and grabbing both Jo’s hands. She was still screaming as he pushed her back into the house, keeping hold of her as he jammed her up against the wall and held her hands aloft until her rage was spent. It took a few moments for Jo to steady her breathing enough to talk and there remained pure hatred in her eyes as she glared at her brother-in-law.

  ‘Why couldn’t you have been David? Why, Steve?’ she cried. ‘Have you been with him? Do you know where he is? Tell me where he is. Tell me!’

  ‘I don’t know, Jo, but if I did I swear I’d drag him home myself.’ His words were slurred and yet despite the putrid stench of beer that wafted towards her, Steve didn’t seem to be as drunk as Jo would have expected after one of his binges.

  Her nostrils flared and her hands were still balled into fists as Jo struggled to free herself from Steve’s grasp. She spat the next words out. ‘I hate him! More than I’ve ever hated anyone or anything. I hate him with every bone in my body.’

  ‘No you don’t.’

  ‘Yes, I do!’ Jo was panting, and with each breath she released silent words that contradicted everything she had just said. Of course she loved him. She would always love him. Come back, I love you, each breath whispered.

  Steve looked at her curiously, as if he had been eavesdropping on her private thoughts, and Jo redirected her anger. ‘And you’re no better. Do you know what kind of hell you’ve put your mum through?’

  ‘I know,’ he said.

  ‘Then phone her, Steve, and let her know you’ve managed to drag yourself out of the gutter she imagines you’re lying dead in!’

  ‘I will,’ he promised. ‘Is it safe to let you go first?’

  Jo had still been trying to pull her hands free but she splayed out her fingers in surrender and stopped resisting.

  Steve let her go but held his ground.

  ‘Go away, Steve,’ she said, wearily. ‘You deserve the mess you’ve got yourself into and you won’t get any sympathy from me. I know I’ve made mistakes in my time but not like you. If you’ve wrecked your marriage, if you’ve lost your son, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Go away, please.’

  Her brother-in-law looked as if he was about to go but then said, ‘You don’t really hate Dave, do you?’

  Jo wanted to tell him to mind his own business but fear nipped at her heart. What if Steve did have contact with David, what reports would he send back to him? Her lip trembled as she whispered, ‘No, no I don’t hate him. I love him and I don’t care where he’s been or what he’s been doing, I just want him home.’

  ‘You thought I was Dave coming home at last, didn’t you?’

  She nodded, then swallowed what little was left of her pride to plead with his brother. ‘Please, Steve, tell me if you know anything. I won’t ask anything else; just tell me he’s safe.’ The appeal was enough to force another eruption of emotions from Jo and she began to sob. ‘Tell me there’s a chance he might come home one day.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he croaked. ‘I wish I could but I can’t.’

  ‘I can’t bear this,’ she cried and when Steve put a hand tentatively on her shoulder she fell forward into his arms despite herself.

  Closing her eyes and squeezing back her tears, Jo felt his body wrap around hers and she held on as if her life depended on it. She held her breath for as long as she could, not wanting to breathe in the stale smell of beer that was Steve’s trademark, that wasn’t her husband’s. The spell was broken with the first gasp of air and she tried to pull away from her brother-in-law but the wall behind her prevented her escape. She managed to push a little distance between them and wiped her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

  ‘Why did you come here, Steve?’ she asked.

  ‘I thought I could stay here. I don’t have anywhere else to go.’

  ‘You can go to your mum’s. In fact, she’s expecting you.’

  When Steve drew closer, Jo went to push him away but he took hold of her hand and held it against his chest. His face loomed in front of her. ‘Don’t you get lonely, Jo?’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I think of you here all by yourself. It’s not right and if Dave can’t be here then I want to help.’

  His lips brushed her ear and at first she couldn’t believe what was happening. She opened her mouth to scream at him to get away but Steve stifled her cry with a kiss.

  The touch of his wet lips was repulsive but the adrenalin rush gave Jo the strength to lunge forward and force him away. The front door was still open and Jo didn’t stop pushing until Steve tumbled back out of the door and on to the ground.

  ‘Don’t you dare touch me again!’ she shouted. ‘Do you really think you’re some kind of replacement for your brother
?’

  ‘I only wanted to help, Jo,’ Steve said as he got back unsteadily to his feet. ‘I feel so damned guilty. I should be able to find Dave even if the police can’t. It’s eating me up.’

  ‘You don’t have to feel guilty, Steve, I’m doing enough of that for everyone. But let me make one thing perfectly clear.’ Her eyes narrowed and her words had a venomous bite to them. ‘It doesn’t matter where David is or what he’s done, it doesn’t even matter if he’s shacked up with someone else and never wants to come back to me: you are never going to take his place. Not ever, Steve. He will always be ten times the man that you are.’

  ‘I know that,’ Steve answered. He was crying now. ‘And I know he would be here if he could. I really believe that, Jo. We should still be out looking for him. He wouldn’t want us to give up.’

  ‘So explain why someone who is perfectly capable of finding his way to the bank should still need help finding his way home?’

  Jo caught herself looking to Steve for the answer but then realized how utterly useless he was. He was swaying from side to side and shivering in nothing but jeans and a T-shirt. He pulled a baseball cap from his back pocket in preparation for the hike to Irene’s. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and she could still hear him mumbling about being sorry as she closed the door. She engaged all the locks before rushing upstairs to the bathroom where she scrubbed her teeth then jumped into the shower to cleanse herself. Only then did she feel ready to make a quick call to Irene to give her the wonderful news that at least one of her sons was safe and well.

  When Archie woke up for his next feed, Jo lifted him gently from his bassinet and took him into the nursery where she was soon rocking her satiated baby back to sleep. The music from the mobile sliced through the emptiness enshrouding the room, and even though it was only half past nine, Jo was also ready to give in to exhaustion. The events of the last few hours had drained all her resources and she was desperate to be released from her thoughts.